Not a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving

•November 21, 2012 • 1 Comment

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I’m 
telling you in advance, so don’t act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart 
won’t be coming, I’ve made a few small changes:

1. Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag 
luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how 
cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired 
welcoming effect.

2. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not 
decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had 
planned to make. Instead, I’ve gotten the kids involved in the 
decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the 
front yard. The mud was their idea.

3. The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy 
china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that 
match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we 
will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa 
napkins from last Christmas.

4. Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers 
that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like 
decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The 
artist assures me it is a turkey.

5. We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain 
you while you wait. I’m sure they will be happy to share every 
choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the 
turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were 
made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard 
enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children’s recital, 
I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should 
mention that I don’t own a recording of tribal drumming, or that 
tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes 
dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

6. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce 
the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional 
method. We’ve also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When 
the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where 
you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit 
at a separate table … in a separate room … next door.

7. Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a 
turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not 
be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be 
carved in a private ceremony. I stress “private” meaning: Do not, 
under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not 
send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an 
electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I 
will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

8. I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners 
that “passing the rolls” is not a football play. Nor is it a request 
to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.

9. Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the 
meal, and especially while in the presence of you diners, we will 
refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If 
a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese 
Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.

10. Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a 
choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving 
the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small 
fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She 
probably won’t come next year either. I am thankful.

(Please note that this was forwarded to me and I do not have credits… It was just so good I had to pass it on)

Happy Mother’s Day

•January 31, 2012 • 1 Comment

OK, I know it’s JANUARY, but I just realized this was still in Draft form.  From May!  So, here’s the thing… I love my Mother so very much, and think that TODAY should be Mother’s Day.  So I added a more recent photo and I’m posting it today!  It’s my blog, and I can do that :)

Cool Mom quotes:  These people said it better than I can…

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. ~Robert Brault

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~Peter De Vries

Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren

A mother understands what a child does not say. ~Author Unknown

I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. ~Abraham Lincoln

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller

Woman in the home has not yet lost her dignity, in spite of Mother’s Day, with its offensive implication that our love needs an annual nudging, like our enthusiasm for the battle of Bunker Hill. ~John Erskine

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories. ~John Wilmot

You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back. ~William D. Tammeus

Children are a great comfort in your old age – and they help you reach it faster, too. ~Lionel Kauffman Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray

Here’s what I can say.  I love you, Mom, with all of my heart and am so proud to be your daughter.

I know they are for Santa…

•December 24, 2011 • 2 Comments

It’s Christmas Eve, which means that baking Sugar Cookies is on the agenda among other things!  So, I baked the 1st batch, knowing full well that they would be gone long before the time to set some out for the Big Fat Dude who will be scooting down our chimney tonight.  Everybody ate one (after I photographed them, of course) and Abe sheepishly came in a few minutes later.  He said sadly “I know they are for Santa, but I just really want one more.  Will he be mad?”.  Gotta love that, right?

Abraham did eat another cookie and the 2nd batch is in the oven now…

Merry Christmas Eve.

The Announcement

•August 27, 2011 • 1 Comment

I wonder how people without children would react to this conversation that occurs daily in my home.  Actually, I kind of wonder how my pre-child self would have reacted.

3 year old, yelling from across the house: “Mommy, I gotta go potty!”

Mommy, yelling from the kitchen sink or other maternal location: “OK, just Pee Pee or Stinky?”

3 year old, almost to his destination therefore getting louder: “Stinky!”

Mommy: “Call me when you are done.”

3 year old, a few short minutes later: “DONE!”

Mommy, after dropping everything and making the trek to the toilet to perform her duty: “Wow, that was a 3 wiper.. strong work, son!  Way to go.  And don’t forget to flush.”

Thirteen

•August 10, 2011 • 1 Comment

I can’t believe that it was thirteen years ago today that I held your 7 lbs 1 oz little newborn form in my arms for the first time.  Thirteen years ago today I ran through all of the emotions common to new mothers…. anxiety, excitement, anticipation, then the ultimate emotion of all… a love that seems impossible in its strength.  Thirteen years ago today I watched your dad cry as you were delivered and I felt the rush of pain and joy that can only be described as miraculous.  I was blinded to your fraility and temporary medical issues and my eyes were filled with amazement.  Thirteen years ago today our lives were changed forever, and the prayers of two parents became a reality.  God blessed us with you.
Thirteen years ago today.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s All About the Shoes

•June 29, 2011 • 2 Comments

I’m feeling a bit nostalgic today… These photos were taken in January, 2007 at a time that Arabella was all about what she was wearing, especially on her feet. Well, actually, she still is, but things have changed a bit and her tastes have “matured” *insert sigh*.

At that time to say that the almost 2 year old Arabella loved her shoes would have been a gross understatement. “Clank, Clank, Clank” could be heard throughout the house any time day or night. Her glamour heels were worn with skirts, shorts, Princess dresses, or nightgowns… it really didn’t matter. After all, it would be tragic to allow her head to be the only part of her dressed like royalty. And she simply could not ever be without her tiera. It really all fit beautifully.

Whose Toy?

•May 28, 2011 • 2 Comments

Do you want to hear something a little pitiful? I was cleaning out toys the other day & ran across this robot. It hasn’t been played with for years (and years). The “remote control” is attached and only allows it to take small, slow steps forward. And in the front once stood a proud Rescue Hero. You see, these toys were some of Joseph’s favorites. They were everyday heroes (sort of): Firemen, Rescue Divers, Police, etc. He had the figures, the plane, the car, and yes, the robot. OK, let’s not get into why a fireman needs to ride on a robot. It’s just cool!

None of my other kids played with them, abandoning the bulky real life warriors for sleek super powered heroes that could only live in a make believe, if not awesome, counter universe. But I was being particularly nostalgic. And I didn’t want to see the huge monster of a toy go. I guess it is partly because I am just slightly saddened by the natural and wonderful growth of a son who has long stopped playing with action figures. I am so very grateful for who he is now, but want to always remember that sweet little boy in awe of a clunky toy.

January, 2003

Were you waiting for the pitiful part? Here it comes… I was so crazy about this plastic masterpiece that I tried to talk Abraham, who is now three, into saying he wanted to keep it. But guess what? It was the one stinking toy he wanted to give away all day!

So I’m proud to say that I photographed it, wrote this pathetic monologue and will give it away, praying that it will find itself in the hands of a bright eyed child who will appreciate it’s magic.

 
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